Friday, September 10, 2010

Sculpture and the Design Hell Condo

For vacation we rented a condo in Provincetown, Cape Cod. Newly built, away from the commotion of Commercial Street, attractive landscaping, lovely deck.

And then we went inside...........

The online photographs we'd seen did not do it justice.

We pondered the space as if we were forensic detectives trying to understand the owner's motives.   The clash of black and white pattern on pattern, objects and styles was assaulting. What was the owner thinking?

The black and white patterns on the wall paper, stairs, and the hall carpet visually flattened space. Several times I caught myself trying to understand what was pattern on pattern and what had physical depth. Even found myself testing spaces with my foot before stepping further, as if the vacation rental had suddenly become a visual field experiment.

Judge for yourself.

In the photos below, what is pattern, what has depth and space? See how the banisters flatten out and become 2D when they're in front of the wallpaper?  What is the black of the stairwell and what is the black stripes on the carpet? Add movement and the result is vertigo.

I ask again, "Who does this in a rental?"

I was in the space for less than 15 minutes before I started taking things OFF the walls. I couldn't relax. It reminded me of the Oscar wilde quote: "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." The wallpaper stayed, but a lot of the art came down to live in a closet, behind the couch, or on top of the refridgerator for the week.

Who makes stuff this awful?
Who buys it and thinks it a good idea for furnishing a rental? These hideous plates stalked you in the kitchen.....
The Girls by John Waters. Not cheap, though it looks it, at $650 for three.
That was answered when I took these scary "porcelain collector plates" down from the kitchen walls. They're by long term Provincetown resident, the prince of bad taste, John Waters. A very limited edition................. Thank god.

The house decoration was a major incentive to spend more time at the beach....


Deb said...

Wikipedia says that John Waters has a vacation home on Cape Cod.
I'm thinking you rented from the man himself. It has all his
markings of a sense of humor gone sour.

dutchbaby said...

Aaack! How could you eat, let alone sleep, in a place like this? I enjoy some of John Waters' films but to be subjected to this in a living space is too much. The Barbie plates - gross, creepy.

I believe those were Oscar Wilde's dying words. I guess the wallpaper won. As they did in this condo.

I hope that the beach was kinder to you.

Sherrie Y said...

Oh. My.
I might have been rendered speechless, were it not for the fact that I know realtors who have stories and photos of similar (and sometimes worse, perish the thought) *ahem* decor. Perhaps pinning white sheets to all surfaces would help?

Theresa Cheek said...

LOL! Sorry, had to laugh! This MUST be John Water's property!!! It is like looking at "west elm" through a kaleidoscope!